Alright I’m tearing myself away from a Weeds marathon to watch the Grammys and I thought I would keep a running diary just to make things interesting.
8:05 p.m. - Flipped the TV over to CBS just as Lady Gaga’s performance was getting started. My thought process went something like this: Lady Gaga is so strange…I want to like her but she makes it difficult sometimes…what am I watching?…I think I’m going to change this…wait…is that Elton John….oh my gosh this is amazing…what a fabulous idea…I’m going to stop playing Word Slinger and pay attention now.
8:11 p.m.>>> I kind of want an iPad. It would make me feel like I lived in the world of Minority Report. Like maybe Colin Farrel was just going to stumbling into my room at any second. That fantasy would be awesome. Until Tom Cruise showed up and started trying to convert me to Scientology. Guess I won’t be getting an iPad.
8:12 p.m. – Song of the Year: Single Ladies, Beyonce. In that case, this category should be called “Oh sh*t change the station! If I hear this song it will be in my head for the rest of the day!”
8:15 p.m. – Awesome intro for Green Day! Very RENT-esque. Talk about a band being able to adapt to the times and have longevity in the fickle music world without changing what they’re all about, that’s Green Day. Hey iTunes, you’re missing an opportunity here, I would pay $1.29 for this performance. I’m just sayin’.
8:22 p.m. – Thanks Turbo Tax commercial for reminding me about your free edition. I need to get on that (rebate = shoe money). No thanks to Alli for reminding me that sometimes I eat when I’m bored. Screw you, I’m finishing this cheese stick.
8:24 p.m. – Very Star Trek-esque dress Kristen Bell. I kind of like it though…well, from what little of it I saw before focusing on the more important issue–Josh Duhamel’s hotness.
8:27 p.m. – Zac Brown Band! Zac Brown Band! *Crosses Fingers* Ooooof course it’s Taylor Swift. I really like her, but I’m beginning to think there’s no way to seem sincere when accepting your 250th award in less than a year.
8:28 p.m. - It is a crime that we make Simon Baker cover up his natural accent in movies and TV. Absolute travesty.
<<<8:31 p.m. – All hail Beyonce, right now. That bia just started rocking Alanis Morrisette. Amazing. I’m just curious, as soon as guys hear the opening chords of “You Oughta Know” do they start to twitch and sweat a little? They should.
8:36 p.m. - Can Olive Garden just cut the crap and make a commercial that touches on the only reason people still go there? All you need is a screenshot of hot breadsticks for thirty seconds and you’d be filling restaurants every night.
8:38 p.m. – Does CBS think that if they air the Grammys that will give them enough street cred to spend the rest of the year focusing on old people shows without losing ground with the youth demographic? It just seems a little incongruous for this awards show in particular to be on CBS.
8:40 p.m. – Lifetime achievement award goes to Leonard Cohen. Very nice–what a tremendous song writer. Now we transition to P!nk (what was I just saying about things being incongruous?).
8:42 p.m. – Does anybody else think P!nk is what Bridget Nielsen would have looked like if she wasn’t on steroids? Another P!nk note–who would have thought when she hit the scene in the late 90s that she would having a lasting impact? Glad someone in the industry let her show more of her true self though, she’s excellent.
8:48 p.m. – Zac Brown Band! Zac Brown Band! *Crosses Fingers* YYYYESSSSSS!!!! They are not just another country band, don’t even think that. Those are some really talented artists who make great music. Listen to “Highway 20 Ride” and tell me otherwise. Plus they had the guts to cover a song like Ray LaMontagne’s “Jolene.” (Best lyric in that song: “A man needs something he can hold on to, a nine pound hammer or a woman like you.” )
8:52 p.m. – Just so we’re all on the same page, awards so far have been:
Song of the Year: “Single Ladies” – Beyonce
Country Artist of the Year: Taylor Swift
Lifetime Achievement Award: Leonard Cohen.
Best New Artist: Zac Brown Band.>>>
8:54 p.m. – Black Eyed Peas performance led me to look up tickets to their upcoming concert in Jacksonville. Unfortunately, I got a feeling…my bank account can’t cover that.
9:01 p.m. - I will NEVER UNDERSTAND the TIAA Cref commercial with the meerkats and Lady Antebellum song. How are those things supposed together? What about meerkats is supposed to make me understand what that company can do for me? Horrible advertisement.
9:05 p.m. – For the record, if we had to endure the phenomenon known as Jonas just so that the world could be introduced to Nick a.k.a. “Jailbait” Jonas…I’m okay with that.
9:07 p.m. – Love Lady Antebellum. This brings the total number of Grammy performers tonight that I have seen perform live (in the last year, at that) to three. I feel good about that.
9:10 p.m. – Hooray for Stephen Colbert winning the Best Comedy Album award!
<<<9:13 p.m. - Between you and me, there is a very real possibility that I will be downloading the new Nick Jonas and the Administration single in the next few days. Thank you iTunes for allowing me to purchase bad music with anonymity.
9:19 p.m. - Bill Simmons is having a rage blackout right now. You know that I could USE somebodaaay. I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with the Grammy voters on that one.
9:22 p.m. - This whole Slash-meets-R&B-thing is amazing. Rihanna’s “Rockstar 101″ is ridiculous and that “Blame It” performance from Jamie Foxx and my Tallahassee boy T-Pain was awesome.
9:26 p.m. – You’ll forgive me if I don’t want to waste my time getting into the Ke$ha thing. Looks like a blond Amy Winehouse to me.
9:33 p.m. - Green Day wins Best Rock Album. Stellar competition in that category, though I think we need to start identifying some sub-genres of rock. Somehow I have trouble putting U2 and AC/DC in the same category as Dave Matthews Band and Eric Clapton. It’s not that either grouping is better or worse than the other, they’re just too different to fall under the same heading.
9:38 p.m. – Do you see what I’m talking about with Zac Brown Band now? This is not another Kenny Chesney-type artist regurgitating the same song over and over again. Those are musicians with Southern heart and incredible talent. I will stop preaching now. I promise. Somebody wake Leon Russell up, the performance is over.
9:40 p.m. - I would consider myself a moderately enthusiastic Bon Jovi fan (“Bed of Roses” is their best song of all time, do not even talk to me if you disagree). However, they are approaching a near Nickelback status with me as of late. If I hear one more song about living my life the way I want to I’m going to knock them down on a few notches on my concert bucket list. That’s enough, Bon Jovi. Make good music or don’t make any music at all. Understand?
9:46 p.m.>>> – Here is why I like Taylor Swift, in a nutshell: She writes age-appropriate songs. She makes me wish I’d been born ten years later than I was because high school would have been more bearable with music like hers that I could identify with, versus what I had which was *N Sync and one-hit wonders like Mambo #5. Okay I loved *N Sync but how was I supposed to identify with “Space Cowboy”? Riddle me that.
9:50 p.m. – Aside from my previous praise of T-Swift, however, I think it’s understood that this is not the brightest moment in Stevie Nicks’ career. It could be worse, though. She could be playing tambourine and singing back-up for Ke$ha.
9:52 p.m. - Secret Admission #2: My favorite song right now is Jason Mraz’s cover of Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long.” It is literally impossible to be unhappy while listening to that song.
9:55 p.m. - Will they ever make fashionable 3D glasses? They make people look a little bit ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as Joe Jonas’ glasses make him look, but very close.
10:00 p.m. - Unbelievable performance. Carrie Underwood, Celine Dion, Jennifer Hudson, Usher and Smokey Robinson singing with Michael. Terrific tribute.
10:10 p.m. - Okay, I might take back some of my previous Bon Jovi criticism. Jon Bon Jovi just flashes that smile beneath his fabulous locks and I feel much less annoyed. If there ever comes a time when he doesn’t look attractive, I will stop liking Bon Jovi.
10:15 p.m. – Had to pop my head out of the laundry room to make sure my ears didn’t deceive me, Mos Def and Placido Domingo were presenting together. I mean, at least I assume that’s Placido Domingo. It could be Jose Feliciano for all I know, but I’ll take the Grammys word for it.
10:20 p.m. - Okay, the award for Best Rap Song (Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye for “Run This Town) has brought a really important question to mind…Where the hell is Justin Timberlake? How is it possible that I’ve sat through almost two and a half hours of this and I haven’t seen his pretty face? That ain’t right. Also, when does T.I. get off house arrest? I miss him. Somebody build a recording studio in his house, let’s get moving.
<<<10:30 p.m. – Mary J. Blige never, ever, ever ceases to amaze me. iTunes I will definitely be paying you a visit to pick up this duet between Mary J. and Andrea Bocelli. Support Haiti and purchase this performance now.
10:37 p.m.: How old will I feel when people like John Mayer and Taylor Swift are getting Lifetime Achievement Awards at the Grammys? I’m not sure I want to know.
10:45 p.m. – I really need to wash dishes. Currently drinking milk out of my Disney on Ice cup…
10:47 p.m. - I’m only going to say this once and if you ever repeat it to anyone I will deny it. Ricky Martin………..is hot.
10:53 p.m. – Okay, exactly how many lifetime achievement awards are we giving out tonight? I’m just saying…
10:58 p.m. – Roberta…honey…I mean no disrespect, I love your music, but girl you need a new wig. Real bad. I mean you know it’s bad if it distracts me from Maxwell’s prettiness long enough to point it out.
11:03 p.m. – My apologies to whomever has to sit behind Lady Gaga. That’s both inconvenient and, judging by the last outfit they showed her in, dangerous.
11:12 p.m. – I cannot take Quentin Tarantino. Can. Not.
11:13 p.m. - Little Wayne scares me. No, terrifies me. I purposely avert my eyes from the T.V. when he’s on, just in case I ever wind up in a situation some day when I have to identify him in a line-up, then I can honestly say I don’t know what he looks like.
11:16 p.m.>>> - Drake…is really pretty. Wait, let me put that statement on hold until I look him up on Wikipedia and find out how old he is…oh okay, he’s 23. Then yes, I will say he is very attractive.
11:25 p.m. – And the final award of the night, Album of the Year, goes to….wow, Taylor Swift. Holy Cow, she just beat out some seriously heavy hitters. Watch out Taylor, Lady Gaga is going to charge you in that outfit and do some damage.
Well, that wraps up the 2010 Grammy Awards! Congrats to all the winners and don’t forget to pick up Mary J. Blige and Andrea Bocelli’s duet to support the relief efforts in Haiti!
Later days,
Shannon
